Partnership & Parenthood with Vision Loss Featuring Breyanna & Matthew Soper

Luisa Recchia: [00:00:00] Welcome to Through Our Eyes, a podcast of the Pediatric Retinal Research Foundation, where we share real stories, honest conversations, and meaningful perspectives from individuals and families navigating life with vision loss. In today’s episode, we’re having a beautiful and timely conversation about love, partnership, parenting, and the unexpected moments that come with becoming a family.

Our guest became fully blind as an adult, and she and her husband recently welcomed their first child. As we approach Father’s Day, this conversation gives us a chance to reflect not only on motherhood, but also on the role of partnership, support, trust, humor, and showing up even when life looks very different than expected.

We’ll talk about the adjustments to blindness, the transition into parenthood, the ways they [00:01:00] support one another as a couple, and the joy, challenges, and surprises that come with raising a baby. This is a conversation about resilience, but also about everyday love, the kind that shows up in the middle of feedings, diaper changes, uncertainty, laughter, and learning as you go.

We’re so grateful you’re here with us. Let’s begin.

So Brey, for our listening audience that maybe have never, uh, listened to you in the past or hasn’t heard your story, share a little bit about yourself and your journey

Breyanna Soper: My name is Breyanna. I was diagnosed with FEVR when I was nine-ish. Um, so by that point I had lost majority vision in my left eye, and, um, my right eye was basically my good eye. I had like 20/40 at the time. And my vision was pretty stable up [00:02:00] until I was 20, 21-ish, and then, I had a detachment in my right eye, and that basically caused me to lose all of my vision in my right eye.

So then I was relying on my left eye. So, um, at that point, I had like 20/200-ish, uh, and some peripheral vision. And then, um, I had some more stuff happen, and now I am down to, hmm, I can see the big E on the chart on good days, um, and severe less vision as far as peripheral. So as of right now, I’m just kinda legally blind.

I did get glasses though, so that helped a little bit. Obviously not much, but- Everything’s not a big blob anymore for the most part, which is good.

Luisa Recchia: So tell me, uh, when did you meet Matt? Was it early when this was happening, or?

Breyanna Soper: Um, so we met in [00:03:00] 2019. Yeah, just- So I was 23-ish, so it was a little bit after, um, my vision loss.

You know, it was… Wow. It was definitely, um, I think at that time I still had some vision in my right eye. Um, so I think like mid-COVID maybe is when I really lost.

Matthew Soper: Yeah, you had a big loss like-

Breyanna Soper: Yeah …

Matthew Soper: whenever, like a couple months in you-

Breyanna Soper: Yeah …

Matthew Soper: had a big loss.

Breyanna Soper: So yeah, it was kind of, it was after I lost, um, they took my license and stuff.

Yeah. But before my like big vision loss.

Luisa Recchia: What role did, uh, Matt play during that transition into that time?

Breyanna Soper: It was hard obviously. Um, he definitely was driving back and forth to, you know, he got volunteered to be chauffeur back and forth to a lot of doctor’s appointments and stuff.

But he definitely, um, was [00:04:00] able to- help keep me sane and keep me grounded, I think. And, you know, we just kinda realized that we needed to work on this together, and I wasn’t alone, which is good and then we got married in 2024. So he’s still around, which is good, I guess.

Yeah.

Luisa Recchia: So, yeah, tell us, Matt, what did you learn about teamwork through all of this?

Matthew Soper: Uh, a lot. So I don’t think a lot of people… I didn’t know necessarily when she had first told me she was visually impaired. I didn’t believe her ’cause we went out on dates, and she could do everything I was doing, and we went and played mini putt-putt, and she was just as competitive. She almost beat me.

So I was like, “All right.” This girl isn’t blind. There’s no way.” And I think when it really hit me was, we were… Oh, God, it had to be the first time [00:05:00] I accidentally walked you into one of the pillars at, uh, Lowe’s. And that was kinda like the first sign was like, “Okay, I… Maybe she’s not lying,” ’cause I, like, clearly saw it and thought she saw it.

Breyanna Soper: Granted, they’re the same color as the floor.

Matthew Soper: And they’re the s- but that’s the thing. They were the same color as the floor, so it was just, like, a happenstance that she, like, walked squarely into it, and I’m like, “You didn’t see that?” And she’s like, “I told you I’m blind.” Like, I guess. Like, that was when it really kinda hit me, and then it just was, like, a learning curve to some stuff.

I became definitely better in, like, being verbal about things that are going on instead of it’s… be a lot of, “Over there,” or- … up or… m- not up or down. It’s like I got better with saying left to right and stuff. So [00:06:00] just communication’s definitely gotten better on my part-

Breyanna Soper: Yeah …

Matthew Soper: between the two of us. Not the greatest at sometimes, but-

Breyanna Soper: You’re learning

Matthew Soper: I’m learning. I am still in the learning process.

Luisa Recchia: So tell us about when you first learned that you were expecting. What emotions did you experience?

Matthew Soper: Oh. Oh, gosh. I think we were, we were excited ’cause we’d been trying for a long time, and then we were nervous. It was a lot of excitement, but there was ner- nervousness in there, too.

Breyanna Soper: I mean, we obviously knew that, um, there was, with me having two genes, the LRP5 and FZD4, that, there was a good percentage chance that, you know, he would have at least one of … He’d be a carrier for at least one of the genes.

Matthew Soper: Yeah.

Breyanna Soper: Um, so I think that was … We, before we even found out that I was [00:07:00] pregnant, we had kinda gone through and talked about doing, um, like IVF and stuff, and choosing whether, you know, finding the embryos that wasn’t, they didn’t have the k- the genes and stuff.

But it was, IVF is expensive.

Matthew Soper: Yeah. I, that was-

Breyanna Soper: And I think we, I think we both kind of agreed that there … It’s, it’s not the end all, be all- No … if he is a carrier, especially going in knowing that he possibly has it, so to catch it early enough that if there are problems, that, um-

Matthew Soper: We know what to watch for

Breyanna Soper: right, and that, we get him in early- Yeah … and get him checked and stuff,

Matthew Soper: yep. He’s had one appointment already, and we got another one in six months to make sure everything’s going along good like it should be.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. We, um, went in after he was born, you know, we went in a month, I think, after he was born, and we [00:08:00] had the genetic testing done, um, just because I wasn’t, I wasn’t about putting him under for an exam if he wasn’t a carrier.

So we found out that he is a carrier for FZD4 and not LRP5, so he only has one. So we, he went in for his first EUA, and it, they said he was fine. Yep. But there was, um, he was still little at the time. It was- I mean,

Matthew Soper: He’s little … normal stuff

Breyanna Soper: But there was a little bit of, um, I think he said there was some areas on the peripheral that hadn’t vascularized yet, so come back when he’s roughly six months. So that’ll be July-ish, and find out from there. But I think he seems to be doing pretty well. He’s tracking well, and I think we’re very vigilant about keeping an eye on him, I guess.

Luisa Recchia: Yep. [00:09:00] Oh. He looks fine right now, huh? Certainly has found his fingers, too.

Matthew Soper: Oh, yeah.

Luisa Recchia: Oh. Oh my goodness. Um, what kind of assumptions or comments from others have been, uh, difficult or frustrating?

Matthew Soper: Uh, my big one is that no one thinks blind people can do anything. And that is, I, that’s probably my biggest gripe I make to her all the time, ’cause before he was born, just the amount of jobs that just walk a- just turn away as soon as they hear any wind of it.

And it’s like people I meet, I’m like, “You won’t even know my wife’s blind if you didn’t know what to look for.” I’m like, “You’d just think I was lying to you.” I’m like, “She does everyday life stuff all the time. All that she cannot do without me is drive.” And I tell, I’m like, “It might take her an extra step or two to do other things, but she gets it done.

She [00:10:00] navigates throughout life.

Luisa Recchia: That’s the Breyanna I know, so… Uh, she is very persistent, and she’s never let anything get in the way, so I can’t imagine why it would stop now. Um- Yeah.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. I think something else too is just the idea of being a blind parent comes with some comments that sometimes that, how can you ensure that their face is clean? You know, how can you do this, this, or this? And I think you just, you find a way. I mean, they’re babies. Their face is going to be dirty. Like, he’s going to have spit-up on him all the time. He’s going… And it’s…

I mean, I feel like even for people with vision, you know, it happens. And you find a way to do things. You do things a little differently, but it’s not impossible. It’s definitely, um, there’s some things that take a little bit of a learning curve. Um, even, like for me, you know, I’m nursing, I’m breastfeeding, so that was one of [00:11:00] the bigger, uh, learning curves was just, you know, getting him to latch properly.

Um-

Matthew Soper: Getting your pump lined up.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah, the pump and stuff. Figuring out, um, ways to do the pump and stuff. But I mean, we’re four months in now, so I think we’re… He’s four months and 20 pounds, so I think he’s eating enough, that’s for sure.

Luisa Recchia: Yeah. Oh my goodness, yeah. So something’s working, right.

Yeah. So share some, uh, tools or routines that really have helped you, um, in parenting.

Breyanna Soper: Honestly, I think not having a super set routine. Um, being flexible, you know, in the morning. You know, we kind of have a routine as far as like, okay, we’re gonna get up and, you know, we’re gonna get changed and eat, and then we’re gonna go in the swing so mom can have coffee for 10 minutes.

And, uh, feed the dogs and stuff. But really just we’re [00:12:00] not really super strict on, you know, he needs to eat at this time, he needs to go down at this time, which I think is-

Matthew Soper: It helps.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. He tells us. We’re just kind of rolling with the punches at this point. Yeah.

Luisa Recchia: Nice …

Matthew Soper: I think it makes it a little easier on you too.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. Uh, you know, we recently bought a house, so I mean, just kind of, it’s been a learning curve. We moved in, he was born January 9th, and we moved into this house at the end of February. Yep. So it’s just kind of been a little crazy between having a newborn and moving into a house and everything else, so.

Matthew Soper: Yeah.

Luisa Recchia: You, you couldn’t ask for more stress in your life, could you, Breyanna?

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. And then we have three dogs on top of it as well, so.

Luisa Recchia: Right? I love it. Tell me, how is, uh, Matt as a father? [00:13:00] What’s it been like watching him?

Breyanna Soper: Oh my gosh, it’s been, um… I don’t even know. You know, when we first started dating, you know, Matt has been very, um, very loud about the fact that he wants kids and that he’s always wanted kids. And, I’m happy that we’re finally able, we’re in a position in life that, you know, we’re able to have Leland and he’s able to experience fatherhood.

He’s an incredible father. You know, he’s very patient. And, if there are things that, like, if he has a little bit of diaper rash or something like that, that he is on top of, which is nice, because obviously, you know, that’s something like that that is a little more complicated for me. But he’s definitely patient as far as, like, this is a learning curve for everybody, and I think it was nice knowing that he would work through it with me as well.

I couldn’t ask for anybody better to do this with. Tries to give me a break [00:14:00] as much as he can, you know, with a nursing baby.

Matthew Soper: Sundays are boys’ days. It’s the only day of the week he wants to hang out with Dad is Sunday. We get Mom from, we leave Mom, what? Like 7:00 some mornings?

Breyanna Soper: Sometimes.

Matthew Soper: Sometimes we leave at 7:00.

Breyanna Soper: Whenever we wake up.

Matthew Soper: And then we go and we hang out with Dad till almost 12:30, 1:00.

Breyanna Soper: Sometimes, huh?

Matthew Soper: And then even though throughout the day he just constantly wants to come over and see Dad. Yeah.

Breyanna Soper: You love your dad, huh? You love Dada.

Luisa Recchia: Matt, what would you want other fathers, uh, or partners to understand about supporting someone with vision loss?

Matthew Soper: There’s just things, like, that you gotta be ready to be on top of, like diaper rash, and there’s just stuff that they’re gonna, you gotta be not squeamish on, like- Seeing your wife pump, like you gotta like help them p- get the pump set up. And I’ve, like some guys I’ve talked to are like, “What?”

[00:15:00] And I’m like, “That’s just a normal part of my…” The relationship with my wife is, she’s like, “Hey, does this look like it’s hooked up right?” Just being there for when they ask for a question is key, or being very clear with my boss that I might disappear on a phone call for 15 minutes on a video call because my wife’s calling me to like, “Hey, where is this?”

And it’s like having that communication with your employer and then just being able to have an employer that’s okay with it is huge. Just being there for like things that they can’t necessarily get. But with Brey it’s, she’s strong-headed. So there’s not a lot that she calls me for.

Yeah. Maybe once a week I’ll get a video call, “Hey, where is this?” Or, “Does this look right?”

Breyanna Soper: Mostly it’s, “This kid has not taken a nap yet.”

Matthew Soper: Yep, that’s, that is the big one. And then I’ll hear him giggle because he hears me talking.

Luisa Recchia: So you spoke about, you know, being open and [00:16:00] honest with your boss. Say a little bit more about that and, and how that’s received.

And then the video, uh, conferencing. It sounds like that’s a tool you guys are using quite well.

Matthew Soper: Oh, yeah. We, uh, I don’t think we could do it without FaceTime. FaceTime was the biggest key, one of the biggest keys even before we had him.

Cause there’d be stuff in the house she’d be looking for.

Okay. Especially when she moved into my dad’s place with me. She didn’t know where everything was. So we’d FaceTime and I’d help her find it and then-

Breyanna Soper: As far as your boss goes I feel like, you know, that was something that you have made very clear.

Matthew Soper: Yeah, when I’m hired. And I’ve, I’ve been on, uh, I just recently took a new job.

Mm-hmm. Took a, uh, I c- I got headhunted, which was very weird. It’s not a… I didn’t think it would ever happen in my career and it just happened to happen over, when I was on maternity leave with Bree. A guy reached out to me who lives five minutes from my, our house, which is nice. [00:17:00] And, uh- I was very upfront.

Like, I have a wife who’s visually impaired. She has a genetic disease that can be pretty aggressive, so I might just have to drop, drop of a pin be not here for a couple days ’cause I gotta take her out to the doctor’s or something like that. And he’s thankfully a very big family man and understands that.

And then I’ve had o- other bosses that are like, “Well, this is, this is a lot,” like, “You’re on your phone too much.” And I’m like, “I’m on my phone 15 minutes. Other people are on their phone way longer.”

Luisa Recchia: And for a good reason.

Matthew Soper: Yeah. The communication with my boss now is it’s just huge. It’s having that where he’s, it’s just a phone call or a text, or he just looks up to me and he’ll be like, he’ll hold up like a [00:18:00] phone to the ear and I’ll be…

And I’ll just shake my head yes, ’cause we have communications in our hard hat. So I’ll just disappear out of the comms and he’ll just look up and be like, “Ah.” And I’ll be like, “Yeah, I’m on the ph-” I’ll just like shake my head yes. And then they’re normally like, “Oh, is everything good?” And that’s, that’s a cool thing is my boss always asks that if any of us are on the phone for like, “Hey, do you guys, you gotta go?

Are we good?” We’re like, “Oh yeah, we’re good,” normally. Said to help her find something or- … talk to this guy.

Luisa Recchia: Bree, what would you say to someone who recently lost their vision and wonders if they can still have a marriage, children, a full life?

Breyanna Soper: Everybody has something going on, um, you know, whether that’s disability or of some sort, or, you know, something else going on. Everyone’s got something going on that they feel, hold them back and stuff. But I think it’s, it’s crazy to think that you can’t do things because of [00:19:00] you’re blind or something like that.

You will find a way. There’s always going to be a way. People are going to have opinions no matter what. Welcome to parenthood. Everyone has an opinion, I guess.

Matthew Soper: Everybody has an opinion.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. And just, you have to do what’s right for you and, you know, if you decide that you want kids, then go for it.

If you decide you don’t want kids, then go for it. You know, you will be able to do it, I promise.

Luisa Recchia: What do you hope Leland grows up understanding about disability?

Matthew Soper: Oh, but that, uh, there’s nothing to stop him, and it’s not a big barrier. It’s just a barrier that you have to work with.

Breyanna Soper: And, you know, there’s always, like I said, there’s always a way to do something. You know, it might be a little bit different than the way other people do it, but it definitely shouldn’t hold him back at all.

Matthew Soper: Uh, it hasn’t stopped you from helping me at work. Yeah. Doing a job that most people would say you wouldn’t be able to do.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah.

Matthew Soper: Running ropes, dragging brush. [00:20:00]

Breyanna Soper: Yeah.

Matthew Soper: Rigging, that’s a big one.

Breyanna Soper: And, you know, who knows where we’ll be in 18 years when he’s an adult, you know? What, who knows what advancements will happen, and, you know, obviously I hope that we’re able to stay on top of things and his vision never progresses to even where mine is.

But if it happens, it happens, and you just keep moving forward, I guess. There’s always, there’s always worse things to happen in life than just being blind.

Yeah.

So he has a family that loves him, obviously. You know, he has a… Oh my gosh, so many-

Matthew Soper: Lots of grandparents.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

You know, he has a huge family that loves him, and he has doggies that love him, and he has a roof over his head, and he’s well taken care of for. So that’s all that really matters is that he’s a happy, healthy baby.

Luisa Recchia: Aw. [00:21:00] If, uh, Leland listens to this episode one day, what would you want, uh, him to hear from you?

Breyanna Soper: That I, we obviously love him very much. Um, that he is able to do anything he sets his mind to, and that to chase his dreams, and always follow his heart, and make sure he does things the way he wants to do them, and not to really listen to others because-

Matthew Soper: You’re gonna be an awesome tree guy, blind or not

Breyanna Soper: According to his dad, he’s gonna be a tree man, but-

Oh …He can do whatever he wants. He can- He doesn’t have to be- … do whatever he wants … a tree guy like Dad. He can go do whatever he wants. He doesn’t have to follow in the family business.

Luisa Recchia: Well, I, I’m sure he can run the business. How’s that?

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. Well. One day.

Luisa Recchia: He can boss Dad around one day.

Breyanna Soper: Exactly. You can be all-time supervisor.

Luisa Recchia: There you go. [00:22:00] Yes. Um, um, has there, uh, been any funny or unexpected parenting moments where you realized, um, babies really don’t care whether you can see or not?

They just care that you’re there.

Breyanna Soper: The only thing I can think of is, um, boys needing, um, pee sheets. You know? That’s just a thing that y- needs to be learned quickly ’cause no matter what, if you’re quick about a diaper or not- … he’s gonna get you every once in a while.

Yeah, he’s gotten Dad a couple times.

He’s just a goofy boy in general. Yeah, he’s just a goofy boy in general.

Luisa Recchia: I’m so happy for the three of you. Bree, you’ve, you’ve, you’ve done so much in a short amount of time. Uh…

Breyanna Soper: This past year has definitely been crazy. But we just went for it at this point. Yeah. We were looking for a house and, you know, once we found out I was pregnant we were like, “Okay, now we really need to look for a house.” Yep. So [00:23:00] there was, we had to jump through a couple hoops with that.

Oh, my God. That took a little bit longer than we were hoping. We were supposed to be in in November before he came, but-

Matthew Soper: Well, we kind of switched up our area, too.

Breyanna Soper: Yeah. So we’ve moved a little bit away from home, but nothing too crazy.

We go home every weekend,

Luisa Recchia: Oh, good. Good. Nice. Nice. Well, you probably don’t have a choice because grandparents want to see that child.

Absolutely.

Breyanna Soper: Yes. Grandparents and great-grandparents and aunts and uncles and everything, yes.

Luisa Recchia: I know it’s tough, but, uh, would love to hear anything else you might want to add or share. Or, uh, for our listening audience, I want to thank you so much for being here, um, and taking the time, especially with the little one there.

Matthew Soper: I think the biggest thing I’d say to take is just to be understanding. I think there was some times, oh, there were some times where I, I think early on I would get frustrated ’cause, hiking, the first time we hiked a mountain that was, uh, we successfully hiked a mountain.[00:24:00]

We definitely were both at the wit’s ends with each other, but that was a lot of hard ’cause there was a lot of grade variation and-

With no hiking poles, which someone’s s- stubborn enough not to use.

Breyanna Soper: Just a learning process.

Matthew Soper: Yeah. It’s just a a big learning process that I think I’ll never be done learning about.

Breyanna Soper: And having patience.

Matthew Soper: Yeah.

And patience is key. That’s the big thing. Just being able to relax.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to come on and talk today.

Luisa Recchia: Thank you so much.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Through Our Eyes. Today’s conversation reminded us that parenting is not about having every answer or doing everything perfectly. It’s about presence. It’s about partnership. It’s about adapting, learning, laughing when you can, and continuing to show [00:25:00] up with love.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, we also honor the fathers, partners, caregivers, and family members who walk alongside those navigating vision loss, offering support, encouragement, and strength in both the big moments and the very ordinary ones. To our guest, thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and openness.

Your experience offers encouragement to families who may be wondering what life, love, and parenting can look like after vision loss. And to our listeners, thank you for being part of the Through Our Eyes community. We hope this episode reminds you that even when the path changes, joy, connection, and possibility are still very much ahead.

Until next time, thank you for listening to Through Our Eyes.